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The Wisdom of Lillie
Goldberg*
(Ilene Beckerman’s Grandmother)
1. If you have to
stand on your head
to make somebody happy, all you
can expect is a big headache.
2. Stop looking for
Prince Charming,
Cinderella’s already got him.
3. If a man can’t
keep his pants up,
he’s sure to let you down.
4. A little charm
and you don’t have
to look like Hedy Lamarr.
5. It’s better
to be alone than with
someone who makes you feel lonely.
6. You never know
what goes on
behind closed doors, even Miss
America can have hemorrhoids.
7. If beauty brought
happiness,
Elizabeth Taylor wouldn’t have
needed so many husbands.
8. F.D.R. didn’t
marry Eleanor
because she was a good kisser.
9. No one will ever
love you as
much as your mother. Not even
your dog.
10. If you have a
good woman
friend, you don’t need a therapist.
11. To a ninety-five-year-old
mother,
her seventy-year-old daughter is
still her baby.
*From Ilene Beckerman’s
book
What We Do For Love
(Algonquin Books)